Each morning I wake up and as I am getting ready for the day I hear the Call to Prayer off in the distance. Although it is a call to pray for those of another faith, it is certainly a call for me to pray too. Although my heart breaks for those we are participating in this daily ritual, I am thankful for a reminder of why I am here. I, too, am called to pray.
Never before has my need for prayer, for Jesus, for grace, seemed SO great! In the past two weeks I have been confronted with fears that I didn’t know I would face, a heart that is full of envy, pride and selfishness, and at times I have even asked the question “what are we doing here?”
I have always believed that the Satan is at work, just like 1 Peter says, “…like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour,” but now I am really seeing the affects firsthand. He knows our strengths and our weaknesses and likes to hone in on both! Although some of these struggles are not new, they have certainly been heightened. I have to keep in mind that when we chose to be a part of pushing back the darkness in Tanzania, Satan began to see us as an even greater threat, so I guess we shouldn’t be surprised by all that is coming at us.
I was talking to one of my teammates earlier in the week and sharing the things that the Lord has been teaching me though my struggles. She shared that when she goes through hard times here in Tanzania God reminds her of the HOPE that she has in Him. The WHOLE reason we are here is to offer that HOPE to people who have never heard. Wow! How blessed I am to live in HOPE and to have the opportunity to offer that HOPE to others.
To be honest, for my first few weeks here I felt like I was in survival mode, trying to keep my sanity and my kids alive! However, for the first time yesterday, I felt that I was allowing God to break my heart for the people here. Chandler and I were walking back from a coffee shop down the street and out of nowhere I got chocked up as I was talking to him and I could barely finish my sentence. There I was walking on the streets of Tanzanian and seeing with my own eyes the people I had prayed about for so long. It’s kinda crazy how you can spent 1.5 years in training, 2 years raising support, pack your whole life up, board an international airplane, arrive in another country and STILL forget at times what you are really doing. But I am thankful for that moment when my gracious and patient Heavenly Father helped me remember why He called me here. I am called to pray. I am called to offer hope. I am called to be with Jesus.