When you choose to follow Jesus to a foreign land (or anywhere for that matter) there seems to be a constant tension. At times it is a question of “Is it worth it?” or even “Is HE worth it?” Other times it is an intense sorrow of never feeling like we are “home.” It’s a constant feeling that we are completely unqualified for and utterly overwhelmed by the task we’ve been called to. Can I be honest?
Year one in Tanzania was filled with many challenges for our family as we went through so many transitions. However, for me (Jamie) personally, year two is proving to be harder for me. Maybe it’s because I survived year one and I now know all that can go into a year. Thinking of 20 more like that seems a tad bit overwhelming.
The struggle is not so much with what is going on around me, but rather what is going on inside of me.
In my heart.
The Father is calling me deeper. Deeper is hard. Deeper means pain at times.
I was just talking with someone the other day and was reminded that the best things in life are often the hardest, too. It is rare that these things come separately. Marriage. Parenting. Friendships. All of these things are incredible, yet so very hard.
It would be silly to think it wasn’t this way with following Jesus.
My prayer is that in these hard, heart struggles that I would answer my own questions and be reminded of truth. That YES, it is worth it. YES, He is worth it. And when I feel like I am not home I pray that I would be reminded that it’s true, I am not home. Not in America. Not in Tanzania. No where on this entire planet could ever feel completely like home. I long for something more because I was created for eternity with Jesus. And on the days I am overwhelmed with what He’s called me to, may I drop to my knees and realize my “not enoughness.” I need Jesus. Desperately. I am overwhelmed because He’s called my family to a God-sized job. BUT. He will sustain. He will provide. He will enable.
I am not sure where this hit’s you today. No matter where you are, I urge you to follow Him. He is worth it. Let Him take you deeper, but get ready to cling tight to Him and to His truth!
Thanks for walking this journey with us,
Jamie (for the Sharpes)