In August of 2019, my family and I will be uprooting from our home of just over four years and moving to a small town in Missouri called “Roach” for two years of missions training. We purchased the house, our first, in 2015. Our first wedding anniversary was celebrated the day we moved in. We have done a lot to fix it up; new windows, doors, a roof, flooring, and paint have all done much to make it feel like home. More so is the fact that we have brought all three of our children home to this house after their births. Christian has a solid job that allows me to stay home with the children. We are comfortable and happy here, so sometimes leaving for the unknown feels hard.
Since this is still a relatively new year, only the third day of January, Christmas and the holiday season are recently ended. Earlier in December as I shopped for presents for our children, I found myself wondering, “Will I ever again be able to buy presents without feeling guilt that I am spending money that others have given us? Will we have enough financial support in future years to make purchasing a small gift on a child’s birthday possible?” Now, I want to tread cautiously, my intent in sharing these thoughts of my heart is not to make people feel bad for us or to ask for money! I simply want to confess my own shortcomings and the areas God is challenging me to grow in.
We know that we ultimately celebrate Christmas because Jesus entered our world as both 100% human and God, dwelt on earth living a perfect life, died and rose again for our sins. However, I had to ask myself, “What if all the cultural things I enjoy about Christmas were gone—would it still feel like Christmas? What if I don’t get to take my kids to pick out a Christmas tree, or bake festive cookies and candies, buy gifts, and spend time with extended family? What if all that was gone—would I still revel in Christmas?
Now, while I was pondering all these things in my heart, (haha—see what I did there?) I was also reading a challenging book called, “Killing Christians” by Tim Doyle. This book follows the lives of converted Muslims who follow Jesus in the midst of deadly persecution and torture in their Middle Eastern homes. Each of these people have elevated Jesus to the point that they would receive death as a joyful honor in order to follow Christ! And I sit in my comfortable WI home and feel like I am sacrificing something because I will be leaving our modest home and moving to a place called Roach to be trained as a missionary. Imagine. This reveals how pitifully small my functional view of Jesus is at times. Being able to serve Christ in any capacity is a great privilege worthy of all loss—thinkable and unthinkable. Sadly, I am often far from this mindset in how I live, think and feel.
It is not wrong to enjoy the cultural trappings of Christmas. I am considering even now what small traditions I want to cultivate in order to provide my family with some of our home culture in an international setting. However, I am also asking myself, “How do I increasingly elevate Christ to the place that He deserves? In my own life? In the life of my children? How do I make Christ visible to those around me?
God, please give me eyes to see Christ’s value! Help me to rejoice and count it a privilege to give up as much as I can to know Christ and make Him known. Help me to embrace a kingdom culture instead of holding so tightly to the comfort of my own earthly culture.