Ken Sande (Creator of the Peacemaker ministries) coined the term Relational Wisdom. In his curriculum titled Relational Wisdom 360, he said, “Just as Windows and Mac OS control every program on your computer, relational wisdom (RW) impacts every aspect of life. This can be either good or bad. Just like the OS in your computer, if it’s operating well, everything operates well, but if it is corrupt, nothing works as it should! The same goes for our relationships. If our relational skills are weak, all our relationships will suffer. But if we learn and apply the relationship skills set forth in God’s word, every area of life will improve. Our worship of God, friendships, marriages, parenting, etc will imporve, and you will have what you need to build and maintain a healthy team.
That’s what his course RW360 is all about. If you’re interested in going through the whole thing, let me know and I can help facilitate that. But, for the next few weeks here in e2, I will be using some of this material as the focus of our discipleship times. As Ken Sande said about RW360, helping you to “upgrade” your relational operating system will enable you to enjoy fulfilling relationships in every area of your life.
So, what is Relational Wisdom? In essence, RW is your ability to love God with all your heart, and to love your neighbors as yourself.
Take a minute to read what Jesus had to say about relationships. As you read these passages, answer the question, “What do we learn about God’s attitude toward relationships from these passages?”
- Matt 22:37-39
- John 13:34-35 (compare Deut 6:4-9)
These Bible passages lay out the foundation for Relational Wisdom. In Matt 22 we see that life is 100% about relationships. In John 13:34-35 we see that Jesus adds the element of his example as the standard to follow in living out His love. Through his teaching life and sacrifice, Jesus raised the bar on relationships. He showed that relationships sometimes require great personal sacrifice. They often require putting our pride to death, admitting our loss, forgiving others, and blessing them with acts of unconditional mercy.
In modern terms, relational wisdom is your ability to:
- discern emotions, interests and abilities in yourself and those around you,
- to interpret this information in the light of God’s Word,
- and to use these insights to manage your responses and relationships constructively.
So, why is relational wisdom worth pursuing? Here’s a few reasons, with scriptures to support.
- All of life is about relationships Gen. 2:18
- God has called us into fellowship (relationship) with Christ 1 Cor 1:9
- God gave his only son… God is so committed to this he was willing to lay down the life of his precious son to secure our relationship. John 3:16; John 4:1-42; 13:34-35; 17:20-23
How does God want to use us and our relationships?
- Eph 5:1-2 tell us to imitate God… To live a life filled with love following Christ’s example. He loved us and offered himself as a sacrifice for us.
- 1 John 4:7-12 describes how we can “perfect” God’s love; complete, become God’s loving arms displayed/seen in human form on earth.
In the parable of the talents in Matt. 25:14-30 Jesus illustrates the importance of being stewards of the resources God has given us. What resource has the Lord given us that is more precious to him than people? Nothing! Every relationship we have is an opportunity to relate to others to love and encourage them the way God does with us… to relate to them in the way Christ does with us to draw them into relationship with Him
We need to be diligent to pursue growing in relational wisdom because relationships are precious gifts that God entrusts to us with the expectation that we will see them as opportunities to show his love and multiply the number of people who will see what He is like, through us, and desire to know Him.
Going back to Matt 22:37-39 Jesus describes 3 dimensions of relationships in these verses: God (whom he commands us to love, yourself (whom we always love) and others whom we are told to love like we love ourselves.
Ken Sande uses lots of acrostics in his material as memory tools. If you find this helpful, great, if you can think of another way to remember this, that’s fine too. But, to be relationally wise, we need to consider all three dimensions in our relationships. In order to do so, Ken Sande suggests practicing the SOG Plan.
S Self-Aware: How am I feeling and acting?
O Other-Aware: How are others feeling? How am I affecting them
G God-Aware: Where is God leading me?
Relational wisdom is so simple a child can learn it, yet so intricate and robust you can spend the rest of your life enhancing it. We’ll come back to this later in more detail in a later lesson.
Let’s finish this discussion by exploring the benefits of developing our relational wisdom? Again, relational wisdom is your ability to:
- discern emotions, interests and abilities in yourself and those around you,
- to interpret this information in the light of God’s Word,
- and to use these insights to manage your responses and relationships constructively.
What would be the benefits to this personally? For your family? For your ministry?
Here’s a few things Ken Sande highlights in Lesson 1 of Relational Wisdom 360;
- Experience God’s love and enjoy God more fully. Jer. 29:13 | Matt. 22:37 | John 8:29; 14:21, 23
- Less conflict and more enjoyable, productive and enduring human relationships. Ruth 1:16-18 | 1 Sam. 20:17 | Prov. 18:24
- Your example and advice will be more credible and welcomed by others. Prov. 3:35 | Prov 16:23
- Improved relational skills enhance personal and team performance at work, at church and in other group activities.
- Noticeable changes in your character and relationships reveal God’s transforming power in your life. 2 Cor. 5:17-20
- Love and unity among believers show that we are Jesus’ disciples and prove that God loves us and sent his Son to save us. John 13:34-35; 17:20-2
What would life and ministry be like if we lived out the words of Col 3:12-17? May this be our desire!
Since God chose you as the people he loves, clothe yourself with mercy, kindness… bear with each other and forgive… above all clothe yourself with love and let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts… whatever you do, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus
Leave a Reply
You must be logged in to post a comment.