SOG Plan and Serving my Dad (18 March)

I continue to learn about Relational Wisdom and am challenged to apply what I am learning in my care for my dad. Today I want to share with you a small glimpse of my journey. I hope this will encourage you guys too. Yesterday as I woke up, I woke up frustrated. I’ve been carrying for my dad, and nights that he doesn’t sleep, I don’t sleep either. Because he is a significant fall risk, when I hear him up in the night, I am awake as well. Listening. Watching. Waiting to make sure he doesn’t fall and hurt himself.

Well, the night before last was a long night. He is strong enough to get himself out of bed. So, because he wasn’t sleeping, he was restless. He moved from his bed to his chair, back to his bed, back to his chair. This went on for 2-3 rounds between the hours of 10 PM and 2:30 AM. Finally around 2:30 I helped him settle into bed, hoping that he would now be tired enough to just sleep.

But, about 5:30 I heard him stirring once again. He struggled for the next 40 minutes trying to get himself undressed so he could take a shower. Finally, when he was not able to, he called out to me. In the 40 minutes that I was awake, waiting for him to ask for help, my frustration was starting to mount up. Here’s a few things that were mulling around in my head:

Doesn’t he know that I have been up 5 or 6 times? I just put him in bed at 2:30am. Why couldn’t he just stay in bed? Doesn’t he know it’s only 6 AM. He doesn’t need to get up yet. We don’t have anything on our calendar until 11:00 when the plumber is supposed to come, and I have told him that repeatedly. I just want to sleep, at least a little bit. I’m exhausted and really don’t want to get up again.

Seeing I have been taking the Relational Peacemaking course from www.RW360.org/biblical-peacemaking Ken Sande (the instructor) said in one of the first sessions, “Now that you are taking this course, Our Father is going to give you homework. I won’t need to ask you to practice these principles, because I’m convinced he will give you ample opportunity to practice what you are learning! Well, guess what? God reminded me that he has now given me a homework assignment. Serve my dad, even when I’m tired because he kept me up all night!

So, instead of going up there and speaking my mind, the first thing that came to mind from my course was, “To be relationally wise, I need to practice the SOG plan. I need to be self-aware, others-aware and G-aware.”

To be self-aware, I need to READ myself.
R – Recognize and name my emotions

I am frustrated. I am borderline angry that he is so inconsiderate.

E – Evaluate where my emotions are coming from.
I feel like he is just oblivious to how his actions are affecting me. Doesn’t he know that? It’s been a long night. He hasn’t slept, I haven’t slept. Why doesn’t he just stay in bed?

A – Assess where my emotions are taking me, and what the result will be if I continue to follow them.

I know that if I go up there and speak out of frustration, it will create an argument, or at the very least, it will make him feel that he’s an inconvenience, and it will lead to him trying to do more things on his own without asking for help. Which will result in him putting himself in further danger.

D- Direct Deal with my emotions

OK, so I know that going up and expressing my frustration at losing sleep, and him being inconsiderate won’t accomplish anything… not to mention he is probably not even able to process what and why he is doing what he is doing. So, I need to do what My Father has called me to do right now, go and serve him. So, how does my Heavenly Father want me to serve my earthly father?

I need to be more Others-Aware. I need to be asking, “What does he seem to be feeling and thinking about this situation? About me? I need to serve him and help him to respond in a honoring manner? (Luke 10:30-37 | Phil. 2:3-4 | Prov. 20:5)

So, how can I empathize with him and understand how this is affecting him? Another RW acrostic I am still learning is EMPATHY.
E – Engage my whole being –
M – Move in – physically, verbally, emotionally
P – Pray for patience, wisdom, guidance, etc
A – Ask good, caring questions
H – Help in practical ways
Y – Yield my conveniences, my agenda, my rights, etc

That means I need to get up from the bed, pray for the Father’s patience. Pray for wisdom for the questions to ask. Pray that my heart will follow my actions as I choose to do the right thing. Then, even though I am tired, and really want to sleep more, go up there, with a smile on my face, and love and care in my heart, and ask him some good caring questions. Yielding my convenience, my right to sleep, and my agenda to get him to understand how selfish he is being by not letting me sleep.

As we talked, it became clear that he was confused. Throughout the night, he had been asking me what the plan is and the schedule is for the next day. And even though I told him three or four times throughout the night that we have nothing on the schedule today, he was convinced that we have a breakfast meeting at 8:00. And so he was feeling the need to get up. Get dressed, get showered (which is quite an undertaking for him) to be ready to go to our breakfast at 8:00. Therefore, he needed to get up and get moving.

As I listened to him and saw his confusion, and even his frustration over being confused, my frustration subsided into genuine desire to care and help him. Thank you Father for answering my prayer and helping my heart to come along with what I knew was the right thing to do.

This is the final part of the SOG plan. To be G-Aware we need to follow our GPS given from above (G’s Positioning System).
G – Choose to Glorify the Father in this situation. How can I bring glory to Him by how I respond to this situation?
P – Pursue the Father – Praying and depending on Him to change and guide me to be more like Him.
S – Serve the Father – What is going to please and honor the Father in this situation? What is He calling me to do? How can He love and serve others through me?

Father, thank you for the opportunity to honor my dad and serve him, as you have called me to do. Thank you for the homework today in how to apply what I am learning. May you continue to help me put these things into practice in my life and in my relationships with others.