I thought I would update you guys on my health situation since I finally know something! I have chronic Lyme disease. I had a doctor’s appointment last week that was actually productive. I found out about this doctor from a family at Church whose daughter has Lyme disease. He’s been working with Lyme patients for around 30 years, so he knows what he is doing. He will be treating me with select antibiotics for as long as it takes to control/get rid of the disease. While I don’t know how long it will take (probably a year or more), I’m excited to finally have a name for what’s wrong with me. Hopefully the treatment will work and eventually I’ll be ‘normal’ again!
My experience with this disease has been miserable, and yet invaluable. Almost every element of my life has been pushed well past the breaking point. My relationship with Stephanie has been pushed, pulled, and taxed in so many ways and yet the Lord has sustained us. It’s not exaggerating to say she has been married to a grumpy, irritable zombie for the better part of the last 3 ½ years! I so appreciate her decisions to trust the Lord and be patient and loving with me as I was so often well beyond the realm of a reasonable human being. My poor children have endured a ridiculous amount of impatience and frustration. My relationships and interaction with pretty much anyone outside my family has slowed to the absolute bare minimum. Never have I felt so out of control in my ability to handle basic life functions.
I’ve learned that although we can enjoy a certain amount of victory over sin because of our position in Christ, we will not escape the affects of sin as long as we live in these sinful, infected bodies. I think the greatest victory we can achieve in this present life is to cling to Christ in faith in the midst of life’s violent turmoil. The height of the Christian life is dependence.
Allow me to put this thought into perspective. I used to view the Christian life as a fairly simple process: the more you trust in Christ and allow Him to work in you, the more you grow in holiness. Now, I still think that this is the ideal pattern, but I’ve learned that it’s not always that simple. In the last few years I’ve noticed that basic ‘Christian’ things, like being nice to people, have become exponentially more difficult than they used to be. My disease has wreaked havoc on my emotions and pushed my stress levels through the roof. So I found myself in a difficult situation: I was trusting in Christ seemingly more than ever, but externally my treatment of others didn’t seem to reflect this fact. I finally understand why old people are grumpy! Because they don’t feel good. When these fallen bodies begin to dysfunction, it affects our ability to respond to life appropriately. In these cases, the person’s observable actions do not necessarily reflect their dependence on the Lord. If a strong believer gets Alzheimer’s, the more the disease progresses, the more they will become impatient, irritable, and forgetful. This doesn’t mean they’ve slacked off in trusting in Christ, it means their mental functions are rapidly deteriorating and so they don’t interact with others the same way. As long as we are in these fallen bodies sin will impinge, to one degree or another, on our ability to reflect the character of Christ who lives in us.
This experience has brought me back to anticipating the glorious return of Christ. At any given time our experience of this life may be good or bad. But even when it is at its best, this life “cannot compare to the glory which will be revealed in us!” I praise God that He is with me now through the difficulty, but I can’t wait for the full experience of the salvation He accomplished for me!
I trust that this testimony can be of some encouragement to you all. We all go through trying times (James 1:2-18) and we need to look to Christ in the midst of them and eagerly wait for our final redemption!
