{"id":4380,"date":"2019-07-02T03:34:31","date_gmt":"2019-07-02T08:34:31","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/blogs.ethnos360.org\/payton-downing\/?p=4380"},"modified":"2019-07-02T03:34:34","modified_gmt":"2019-07-02T08:34:34","slug":"where-is-home","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/blogs.ethnos360.org\/payton-downing\/2019\/07\/02\/where-is-home\/","title":{"rendered":"Where is home?"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
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Parenting has been a hoot lately. My almost 4-year-old argues with me about most things. He wants to change the clock to make snack time sooner. He argues that Chewbacca probably doesn\u2019t have to flush, so why should he? And why can\u2019t he just eat fried tempeh or jam sandwiches for every meal? I don\u2019t think there\u2019s any parent of a four year old who hasn\u2019t heard these things before, but I do think that being overseas definitely complicates things. During this past year, I think I\u2019ve tied myself in knots a few times trying to figure out why parenting was so hard, but I forgot to take into account the extra complexities of our life, especially in regard to Finn. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Zebra Powers. He did this while I was trying to snag a nap when Payton was on a trip. I tried not to laugh!<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

For example, on home assignment, he thought we were going to leave him in sunday school at church and get on a plane without him. It took him months to realize that we would come back every time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

During our 9 months of home assignment we moved 7 different times. We also visited countless people\u2019s houses. For Payton and I, we loved catching up with old friends. We\u2019d tell him, \u201cWe\u2019re going to visit friends\u201d and thus, his definition of \u201cfriend\u201d is people he doesn\u2019t know, but mommy and daddy do. He has also asked when people come over if they were going to live with us\u2014or if we were going to live with them. Not a normal question for a 3 year old. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we returned to the field, we returned to a totally different city. Finn kept asking where the \u201creal\u201d Indo was. He was talking about all of the people and places he remembered from the videos and picture books I\u2019d made him. Just this last week he was actually interested in looking at the memory books. Before he was angry and refused. As he looked through them, it was like he was rediscovering a part of him he\u2019d lost. He kept saying things like, \u201cThis is the place, mommy!\u201d as he pointed to certain pictures.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Another complexity is the language barrier. Before we went on home assignment, he could communicate, but when we came back, all of his language had disappeared. This is a pretty normal thing for kids below 5 years old, but it\u2019s hard as a mom to watch him struggle to play with other kids. We are so thankful for the friends he has made!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Possessions get confusing too. He frequently asks me about certain toys that had to be left behind, and he loves hoarding paper crafts and drawings.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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A stuffed animal I sewed for him after we left his animals at home while on our visa trip.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Another thing that points to his general confusion over \u201cwhere\/what is home?\u201d was made clear by his question a few weeks ago. He asked me, \u201cWhere do our neighbors actually live?\u201d You can imagine the confusion on my face. Then I realized I\u2019ve been trying to explain to him how we\u2019re in the big city while our house in Taliabo is being built, so he assumed that everyone also lives somewhere temporarily. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

A couple of weeks ago, when we returned to our old city to get our visas processed, we we to some of our old stomping grounds, like the local pool. On the way there, he got really excited. He claimed he saw our old cat. When we arrived at the pool, he said, \u201cThis is it! This is it! This is the real Indo!\u201d Finally it was something he remembered. When he played with old friends, he told me I could leave him at their house and come back later. He looked so comfortable on their couch just reminiscing. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Playing with old friends at his favorite place, the pool.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

All of this really made me realize how the last year of being in transition was impacting him. He totally doesn\u2019t know where home is or what it feels like to be in a permanent place. I\u2019ve really started to talk to him about heaven and how amazing it will be. Don\u2019t get me wrong, I don\u2019t pity him. I know that Finn is loved and living in a home where Jesus is hopefully being lived out everyday, which is more than most of the world has. He gets 3 square meals a day, plus snacks. But, it doesn\u2019t change the fact that I have to help him learn to navigate his semi-chaotic world. I\u2019ve felt really lost lately, but our faithful Father has answered through many of your prayers and sage advice from people all over the globe.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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So much traveling under his belt.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Some moms of other third culture kids have greatly helped me sort through personality, developmental stages, and how to meet him where he\u2019s at.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Here are some things I\u2019ve learned:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cTransition Finn\u201d is a whole different ball game. If we\u2019ve travelled, moved, or dad has gone on a trip, I can expect several days on either end to be chaotic, complete with terrible behavior, as we try to shift back into \u201cnormal.\u201d He needs lots of loving, firm reassurance.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Finn needs to hear that he is loved a LOT more than I have been saying it. Sometimes the only thing that will calm him down is cuddling up to me and praying.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

With discipline, I have to be discerning to know what I\u2019m really dealing with: Is he hungry? Is he overheated? Is it a language barrier thing? <\/p>\n\n\n\n

He seems to readily pick up on my personal chaos and mirror it. Any lack of faith or irritation on my part seems to exponentially translate into his behavior.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Development is important to understand. Neurological and biological factors shouldn\u2019t be bypassed. It totally helped me to understand what tools I needed to use. I was expecting things out of him that probably weren\u2019t really what he was capable of at the time. Kids who are constantly in transition also revert to younger behavior at times when things get unstable. I\u2019ve seen some amazing changes in behavior by just knowing that Finn needs to practice doing the right thing over and over, rather than other forms of discipline. This has felt like a game-changer in the past month.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Starting his engines!<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

A few things I\u2019ve had to come back to as my anchor points are:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

> God chose this path for us and Finn and that gives us confidence that God will provide what we need to parent him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

> We have a God-given authority and right to parent. We also have the Holy Spirit to guide us. We\u2019re not alone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

> It always takes more time, but we often have to look beyond behavior to figure out what\u2019s really going on to get to the heart of the matter. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

>Above all, Finn needs grace poured into his life every day. As we as his parents, are a source of that in his life right now. If we\u2019re not full, we can\u2019t overflow into his life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In the past few weeks, I\u2019ve also read several articles (How Free Do you really want to be?<\/a>; Oh the Places we’ll stay!<\/a>) that have helped my perspective on this idea of home. I don\u2019t like the nomadic lifestyle; it wears on my soul. Yes, it points me to heaven, but I do believe that a lot of our future effectiveness will come from putting down roots in Taliabo. I\u2019m really looking forward to that! I really do believe that our season of unsettledness is only temporary, for which I am grateful. I can\u2019t wait to settle in and grow some new roots. Pray for us as a family through this season of transition and pray we will persevere!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Parenting has been a hoot lately. My almost 4-year-old argues with me about most things. He wants to change the clock to make snack time sooner. He argues that Chewbacca probably doesn\u2019t have to flush, so why should he? And why can\u2019t he just eat fried tempeh or jam sandwiches for every meal? I don\u2019t […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1068,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_genesis_hide_title":false,"_genesis_hide_breadcrumbs":false,"_genesis_hide_singular_image":false,"_genesis_hide_footer_widgets":false,"_genesis_custom_body_class":"","_genesis_custom_post_class":"","_genesis_layout":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[4,40],"tags":[363,2154,6722,387,62717],"class_list":{"0":"post-4380","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","6":"category-ministry","7":"category-overseas","8":"tag-home","9":"tag-mk","10":"tag-parenting","11":"tag-perspective","12":"tag-tck","13":"entry"},"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.ethnos360.org\/payton-downing\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4380","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.ethnos360.org\/payton-downing\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.ethnos360.org\/payton-downing\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.ethnos360.org\/payton-downing\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1068"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.ethnos360.org\/payton-downing\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4380"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.ethnos360.org\/payton-downing\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4380\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.ethnos360.org\/payton-downing\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4380"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.ethnos360.org\/payton-downing\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4380"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.ethnos360.org\/payton-downing\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4380"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}