Lately I’ve been having many fire hose moments- truth and conviction and the powerful message that “Jesus not only loves me, He LIKES me” has been slamming me in the face. I feel like I’m trying to drink from this fire hose, but I’m missing so much at the same time.
So much awesomeness,
so little drinking ability
It’s ironic that I’ve made it through Bible school and over a year at Missionary Training School, and that message still hasn’t taken root in me yet. I’ve been having times of doubt and of being overwhelmed with everything that is coming, and I think to myself, “How can I tell a tribe about a God who loves them, likes them, died for them, is interested in them and concerned about them, even finds joy in them”, if I’m not completely persuaded of that fact in my own heart, even about myself?
Intellectually, I know these things to be true, the Bible is clear; but my heart isn’t always convinced (and I daresay there are plenty of other believers who feel the same way). I love, though, that God has gone out of His way (is that possible?) lately to assure me, through multiple sources, that he has an intense, personal interest in me; not just as part of His body, but as a daughter, an individual, who was created in His image, yet different from anyone else.
Because of my personality and learning style, I find the details about Christianity super interesting- I’m ready to dig into the meaning of Greek any day. I’ve found, though, that I get caught up in the facts and settle for a sort of “intellectual Christianity”, one that knows so much, but doesn’t know HIM very well at all. God meant this to be a relationship, something with intense and honest emotion! Not that we were meant to be on this emotional rollercoaster spiritually, but look at the Psalms- David didn’t just know about God, he knew Him on a personal, emotional level. God didn’t permit him to be stagnant in his faith. He is not permitting that in me. He loves us in such a way that wants something better for us than we want for ourselves. He wants to lavish more, when we would happily settle for less. He’s been telling me these things for so long, I hope I’m finally recognizing them as true for me- I’m so glad He’s persistent! 🙂