I finished writing an epic saga the other day. Truly, it is literature at its finest. I am inclined to think that even the most critical of readers will be forced to grudgingly agree that it is destined for greatness. Literary enthusiasts around the world will be scrapping their first edition collections of Shakespeare and Hemmingway to make room on their shelves for my thrilling tale. It is the story of the desperate plight of man as he struggles against the savage forces of nature. The desire for life, pitted against the consuming powers of the jungle. It is prose as you have never imagined possible.
Based on real-life events, my story will transport readers, the world over, through the full realm of human emotion. You will laugh, you will cry, you will tremble with anticipation, and you will gasp audibly at the masterfully orchestrated plot twists.
The fluidity of the narrative, combined with the relatability of its characters, will immerse readers so deeply in the internal struggles and emotions of the actors that, though the story concludes flawlessly, with full plot resolution, they will finish begging for more.
It is my privilege to now present you with a sample excerpt of my new book, “Iivrii Esreve.” (“Sore Stories”) Enjoy.
I understand that there may exist a slight learning curve as you first delve into the text. Perhaps it would help if I explained that the “ii”s are barred Es, the “q”s are voiced velar nasals, the “v”s are bilabial fricatives, and the “h”s are marking a change in tone on the stressed syllables? To help speed things along though, maybe it would just be better if I help you out with some English subtext.
For those still struggling, I’ve cleaned it up a little more. Try this one.
I know what you’re thinking, “What is the rest of the story? I NEED MORE!!” Sorry, you’ll just have to wait and rent the book from our village library like everyone else. All I can tell you here is that my second character, “Pita,” doesn’t use good hygiene and the results are quite catastrophic. It was actually this second half of the story that landed my book its “young adult” classification. Apparently, my publisher holds the opinion that children should not be exposed to a detailed account of scrubbing puss from a large, rotting, festering wound. Too bad too, because the pictures I included were very educational.
Anyway, that’s a little picture of where things are at for me in language these days.