Yep, it’s been awhile…
With our focus on face to face meetings and email updates, we have neglected to update the blog. And so it stands, lonely and lost in the past, left back somewhere in 2019, unupdated and unaware of the chaos of our world today. I’m tempted to leave it. Honestly.
I mean, wouldn’t that be glorious? To wake up back in February 2019, going about normal activities with no thought of whether a mask was required at the grocery store or whether or not you’d be able to visit your out of town family by this Christmas?
I have to admit I’m tempted to live as a slave to my comfort. I really, really want things to be easy. I want people to get along. I don’t like conflict, disagreement, trouble, or tight places. So you can imagine that 2020 has not been my favorite year. But God has a way of reminding me that my comfort is not what is really best for me, and it’s actually not what I crave. As one who is born again into life anew through Christ, I will never be satisfied with what this world can offer, though I feel at times it’s possible.
God has used this crazy, confusing, uncomfortable tight place in history to continue to remind my heart to have an eternal perspective. As we grieve the hard and adjust to the things that are out of our control, watching our world change drastically before our eyes, we can rest knowing that the God of the Universe both involves Himself intimately in our struggle (Psalm 139:3), yet at the same time has conquered death and hell (Revelation 1:18) and has overcome the world (John 16:33)! I have recently been reading a book on lament, and this quote struck me:
“…Such heavenly mindedness was not meant to belittle this world but to value it, and to encourage the keeping of short accounts and always living in the present. You shouldn’t hold a grudge or harbor hostility because you never know if you might die without making things right. When someone is aware of the brevity of life, each day can be received as a gift, offering opportunities and meaning not for some imaginary future but fully living in the moments that God has provided.” –Embodied Hope by Kelly M. Kapic
This is the perspective I’ve been challenged with in these days. Not to pretend that this pandemic hasn’t affected me and mine. Yes, we’ve been shaken. We’ve been stirred. We’ve wrestled with God. Not just about pandemic, but about life in general. It’s given me courage to talk through with God some of the deep hurts in my heart from Shad’s journey of surgery, from the realities it has left us with, to the still constant ache in our hearts when we think of our “old life” back across the ocean. It’s good to lament before God. Good to think through the pain, to bring it before the One who knows our deepest hurts and can hear and care and hold and bear like no other.
This perspective has also challenged me to think of the current relationships we live in, to value each one, to have the hard conversations, to fight for unity, to keep short accounts, and to humble myself for the sake of others. Wow. What a challenge. I fall so short. I love this reflection that being heavenly minded actually encourages us to reach into the lives of others, rather than causing us to become more wrapped up into ourselves.
So that’s where I find myself today. Learning in the mess. Taking one day at a time, watching God bring growth in His timing as I wait on Him. Trusting my world, my heart, my emotions with Him, for He is the only One we can truly depend on!