The Christmas Question

We’ve been in the States for six months. By the time we fly back to PNG in a month, we’ll have slept in 16 different beds, spoken at 11 churches, visited many supporters, and lived in 3 different houses. We’ve been able to experience 3 of the 4 seasons and visit states from the east coast to the west coast to Alaska. One of the kids recently told me that when they grow up, they don’t want to be a missionary because they want to have just one house and live in it for a long time! I hear ya, kid. It’s been a busy furlough.

And now it’s that time of year when we all ask each other the same question: What do you want? We wrack our brains thinking of what to get loved ones for Christmas, and if you’re a parent, you end up giving away all your good ideas to the grandparents who are asking, “What do they want?”

So what do you want? What do I want? Honestly, I want to feel like I know the plan. Where are the boys going to live and work next summer? What will the rest of us be doing? What is the next school year going to look like? How can we best help the growing Pal church? We’re not even sure which house we’re moving back to when we return to PNG in a month. I don’t like not knowing the plan, especially when so many people who love us and support our ministry are asking about our plans!

But I know I can’t have what I want. (Turns out that the Rolling Stones may be right.) In fact, if I think back, I have to admit that what I planned was not what ended up happening, and it was often for the best. I didn’t plan to home school the girls on this furlough, but that is what happened and it saved us lots of money and gave Maisie some free college classes. I didn’t plan to be a teacher on the mission field, but it is a ministry that I have really enjoyed. I didn’t plan to have four kids… Just kidding, Bailey.

So what is the point of wanting to know the plan if it’s just going to change anyway? I guess it gives me a feeling of security and control. But that feeling is misplaced if I’m finding it in my plans. I really have no control, and that knowledge should send me running to God every day. That’s what I want. And security? That only comes from God, too, and I also want that. The future? What I want is not always what I need, so I guess all I can say is that I want what God wants. Or, at least I WANT to want what God wants. And if he doesn’t reveal too much of the plan to me, it’s probably because I would mess it up if given half a chance. He wants me to rely on him, so that’s what I want, too. He wants my life to glorify him, so that’s what I want, too. We know that, in the end, God is going to get what he wants. The trick is for me to want that, too, and then I can prove that maybe Mick Jagger wasn’t right after all.