Beginning in February Dean and I started attending a class “Positive Parenting for children on the Autism spectrum“. Altogether there were about 8 or 9 sessions. The class was specifically designed for parents of Autistic children but they say the general principles are beneficial for all children. It was astonishing to realize just how much Dean and I could relate to all that was being taught. Despite the fact that neither Dean nor I have been diagnosed with Autism/Aspergers Syndrome we clearly see that we are on the spectrum. It comes as no big surprise then to know that all 3 of our older children exhibit some classic Autistic traits.
The biggest thing that she, Tuti has learned is that she needs to change her way of thinking, relating, and talking to her kids. She needs to be a detective eg. ask questions and try to figure out why her child is behaving in a certain way. She used to think that her kids were just being obnoxious and disobedient but now she sees that sometimes they have intense sensory and anxiety issues. One huge thing that she, Tuti can do to help them cope with these issues is give them lots of time to work through what it is that they are experiencing. At times it can be something as simple as a clothes tag irritating them or something more elusive such as a certain smell or a noise. When this is identified and dealt with all is well with the world again. I wrote this in 3rd person to illustrate a common coping skill that Autistic children use. Both Carissa and Levi would refer to themselves in the 3rd person. I have learnt that because it is an indirect way of talking about themselves it helps to lessen the anxiety they feel.
Transition has been another huge hurdle. Again to lessen the anxiety, preparation and time needs to be given for a child to change what they’re doing. When a child is engaged in a preferred activity it will take time to change to a less preferred activity e.g. playing a game to getting ready for bed. Time is one of the biggest factors I have found that needs to be given. I, Tuti need to patiently and calmly wait for a response from my child, I need to give time for my child to calm down, I need to take one step at a time (baby steps) not overwhelm them with too much information or bully, threaten or complain. I don’t always get it right but I’m trying and if I mess up I apologize and we start again. This has really been almost life changing for me in parenting my children. We praise God for His working in our lives to make us better parents.