…though I’ve tried to juggle many things. I know I need a healthy relationship with God. I also need to listen to God for direction. When said direction is made clear, I have the responsibility to trust Him for provision…even when the situation makes no sense or the task seems too great. I also have the responsibility to learn well and work hard to finish the opportunities He’s given me.
But –– all too often the fear of man is right at my side. God plops a crazy opportunity onto my plate, and I know He wants me to go for it. Then once the ball begins to roll, I actually comprehend the sheer magnitude of it and freak out! “How am I going to be able to handle this? What will people think if I fail? Is God big enough to work this out?” And all of the sudden my focus on His perfect faithfulness shifts to my “not-enough-ness.”
And yet, God still chooses to use me. It’s a wonder that can only be explained by His amazing love and immeasurable patience. As I endeavored to balance training, family, ministry, projects, work, and my personal walk with God, I realized something vitally important had been forgotten.
What was it? And where did I leave it? It’s around here somewhere….I just had it…
I failed as a juggler. Two weeks ago, one of my favorite instructors reminded me of one of the simplest truths in the Christian faith. He said, “There’s one thing missionaries need to always be reminded of: God loves them.” When he said it, I thought, “Right, right. Got it. Next.”
Then it hit me. Sure, I knew God loved me, but I was living my life in a way that looked completely opposite. In my effort to juggle all those amazing things I listed above, I had slipped into a performance-driven Christian life. I was so worried about finishing projects, studying hard and being the perfect dad that I began to think thoughts like this, “Well, if I can finish this book, and work hard enough in the training and have my quiet time and, and, and, and…God will be happy with me.”
I know it’s ridiculous, but I had practically forgotten that God can never love me more than He does right now. Nothing I can do could make Him love me any less. I’m so thankful that George Walker reminded me of this simple truth, so I can walk this road with joy instead of stress. Sure, I need to do my best, but I need to remember that my standing before God does not depend upon completing my checklist of good deeds!
I’ll leave the juggling to the professionals…
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