In a favorite TV show of ours, there’s a deeply significant but very simple question asked at key junctures of the story.
The question is “What’s next?”
It’s a statement about the character’s readiness to move forward, to tackle something new, despite the current circumstances, despite the need that makes anything “next” look insurmountable. And sometimes it’s used to subtly communicate “enough of this, enough of the present, we’ve been here long enough, lets get into something new.”
For our family, both meanings work right now. We’re in that rare place of being right where we had hoped we might be but getting here happened rapidly and not in the way we saw it coming. And, now that we’re here, we realize how new freedoms bring new challenges we didn’t really anticipate.
We don’t want to overwhelm so what comes next is gonna be a quick “bring you up to speed” version of the answer to that question.
Let’s go…
- Lynn was rapidly declining when we last updated you. We had to quickly find an ALF (assisted living facility) that would work with us financially as we waited for her Medicaid application to be approved.
- While she has settled in, we began to adjust to live as a family of five for the first time in 12 years. Some parts of that were exhilarating, but mostly, it’s been hard
- It’s been hard because we’re all in this place of missing her while also grieving the loss of the last few years that had to be shaped significantly by our caregiving for her. Caring for her was our calling and something we chose and yet it did come with a cost.
- It’s also been hard because we’re realizing that all three kids have been going through hard things and we as their parents needed to push those off to the side somewhat, so that we had the “bandwidth” to care for Lynn. Now that Lynn’s out of the house, those things, come to find out, are bigger and tougher and our kids are older and needing greater engagement from us AND it’s at a time when we’re exhausted in all the ways we can be.
- The Lord has been so good. He meets us in our times of need (and in our times of rest and still) and I (Joel) cannot begin to describe how much my own walk with Him has grown in this time. I’m finding His word, His promises, and the testimony of how He works with others, to be restorative on a daily basis!
- Financially things have been very difficult. While we finished last year in great shape after a year of sweet provision, as Paul would say in Philippians, abounding, we didn’t set aside anywhere near enough income tax and have a significant tax debt because of that. Prior to learning that, we have also had to do without the social security and annuity income that Lynn was receiving because it has to go to the ALF. BUT, the Medicaid application which was supposed to be a quick and done thing not long after we moved Mom has still not been accepted and that means that the rest of the bill for the ALF that Lynn’s SSA doesn’t cover has to be paid for out of our pocket. All this to say, we have been stretched extremely thin.
- And there are other things, that while we can’t go in to detail here, they’re things that are really big and scary and when we lose sight of the land that is the Lord’s presence, it feels like we’re about to go under.
- BUT, one of the lessons the Lord has been teaching Bethany and I is this: even when you’re walking through deep valleys of discouragement, physical trials, crisis’ even, it’s important to keep doing the normal things, for everyone’s sake and for our own ability to see that life goes on and the with the Lord we can do all the things we need to.
- So that means we’re going into the office and working with local co-workers (which is SO good) a few days a week; we’re looking for a new local church home and being blessed by sound teaching as we do so; we’re trying to spend unique time with the kids and each other in ways we couldn’t do when Lynn was home; and we’re trying to more regularly exercise.
So, what’s next? We don’t really know. That’s in the Lord’s hands and those are strong, capable, wise, and merciful hands. So, even though we find ourselves in what looks like a wild and chaotic sea, in a storm with waves threatening to crash over us at anytime, we also know that the Lord is lord of the waves, that he’s placed us in a small but strong lifeboat and given us lifevests of Truth to put. We want Him to still the waves and our hearts, but maybe He wants something more…
Pray for us, friends!