(originally distributed July 15, 2019)
So, I’ve wanted to write an update for some time.
Things have been rather hectic, and then I got stranded in a location with questionable internet because of a volcanic eruption (who says that?). So, while you all were celebrating with fireworks, I was hoping there wouldn’t be anymore! Now it’s been several weeks, and there are so many things I could write about. I feel like God is teaching me things, and I grasp them for a moment, and then there’s another concept that I’m just barely understanding, but I know that I’m meant to learn. Sometimes I forget to stop and take the time to reflect and let the truth settle in. I wonder if it grieves God when He has to teach us the hard things multiple times, because it’s hard for Him to see us struggle?
I could talk to you about how hard it is to live in two worlds and really want to know how people are doing and the details of their lives in both. I could talk about how hard it is to have the people I have friendships with here leave and how it feels like I’m starting over. I could tell you about how being an organized planner is not beneficial here. I could tell you about my disappointments and discouragements or the beauty of the people I see who rise above their disappointments and discouragements–major ones– and how they really put things into perspective for me.
But I think what I’d like to tell you about is dependence, and while I definitely haven’t learned it yet, I see the need to.
Dependence is . . .
- choosing to trust God when things don’t go my way and according to my plan. Deciding that His plan is better.
- remembering that God is the one who measures time (I’ve forgotten this lesson already) and when technology doesn’t work, or I’m trying to figure out how to do something new with making video and it takes up 3 hours of my time, I can trust that it’s not wasted as long as it’s a step in what is obedience to Him.
- choosing to be grateful for the time we had to know each other, when people leave that I really value as being part of my life here.
- recognizing that when I feel like people here don’t know me super well, which takes time, God knows my past, future and what I’m burdened with in the present.
- trusting that when I don’t know what my future holds, He does. And He wants to guide me in it, if I’ll listen.
- remembering that in every step so far He has provided abundantly, and I can trust Him to do that again.
- trusting that when my niece cries into the phone that she wants me to come back, He will be her comfort and mine in missing one another and that someday we’ll get to spend eternity together.
- being at peace with knowing that things will not be the same when I come home — people I care about will be called to new things, just as I have been; my niece will be a Kindergartner! and the tree in my front yard might die. I am not necessarily alright with these things quite yet.
- when my church planting coworkers choose to go back into places where they can’t speak the language, nothing goes the way it should and the people around them accuse them of being there for harm rather than good.
am grateful for their example.
Please pray with me, that I could grow in dependence on the Lord. And know that when you reach out to me and let me know that you’re praying or remind me of truth, you are part of what God is teaching me, and I’m so grateful for that.