Paradoxes, both and, the good and the bad

Tonight, our power went out. 
Normally when that happens, it comes back on in a minute or two, but after 35 minutes and it being dark I started thinking about how grateful I was for the little chargeable light that I have, that I could carry around in order to continue with my evening’s activities.

We are driven to appreciation when things go wrong and we don’t have what we’re used to, right? Right now, as I’ve returned to the field without the people I was closest to last year, I’m driven to appreciate every invitation and every act of kindness even more.

There are things about living in PNG that I don’t really love, and there are some things that I enjoy and miss when I’m home.

I didn’t miss all the ants running around disappearing into unseen crevices in my cabinets, but I did miss my all-day open windows and the fresh air— except for when that air is smokey, like it often is during dry season (now). 

I didn’t miss the weevils or the potentially rotten eggs or the need for cockroach baits, but I did miss the soft glow of my solar lights and taking care of my plants.

I didn’t miss the mental effort it takes me to pray in Pidgin, but I did miss weekly lunches with Simila and hearing her share what she’s learning about God through His Word.

I  didn’t miss the sound of the UPS beeping when the power is out, but I did miss the sound of the birds.

Another thing I don’t like about this life is saying goodbye. There’s the saying goodbye to loved ones back home (again) and missing the volleyball games and the changing seasons. But there’s also saying goodbye to beloved co-workers who have been a big part of my story here.

When I lead ladies’ retreats we talk about this—that our stories are made up of both good and bad things, and they’re both a valid part of our experience. The good things don’t cancel out the bad things, unfortunately.

Every now and then, I get the joy of mixing my two worlds! My friend from Germany, Sibylle, came to visit me in Indiana this summer. And I was also able to meet up with others who have called PNG home.

And I suppose the other side of not liking goodbyes, is remembering to be grateful for the time you do have, on both sides of the world . . .

While I’m home, people sometimes say, “you must love it!” And maybe that’s their only way of explaining why I keep going back. And in some ways they’re right. I do love the people I get to work alongside to see the gospel made known. And I do love it when I get to live out God’s purposes for me by seeing them cared for.

But there’s also a lot of hard. We are on the front lines of a battle here, and Satan does not want people who have always been in the darkness to know the light. Please pray for our team, that we would be shielded from his fiery darts by unyielding faith in the One who is always Faithful. (Ephesians 6)

So that is the paradox of missionary life, my friends. I can love it, and I can hate it, all in the same day. It can bring rejoicing but also break my heart. But it’s really not about our feelings. And just because it’s hard, doesn’t mean we should give up. It means we should fight harder through prayer and reliance on the Holy Spirit.

While our power ended up being out for over an hour, I knew it would come back on. There were skilled men working behind the scenes to straighten it out. And so it is with God. We can know He is working behind the scenes to work things out for our good and His glory.

It may take patience in the waiting.

And gratitude while we wait for the light.