I have been going through a very tough battle with postpartum depression. It’s been kicking my behind. Big time. I wouldn’t wish this upon anyone, yet I know that God has me on this road for a specific purpose. Many people have been noticing (and telling us) we are sick an awful lot, that there always seems to be something going on with our family. Well, they’re right. We have had a really rough road. One that we have thought about giving up on many times (or at least I have). It shouldn’t be this hard right? Is this a sign that God really doesn’t want us to be here? Or is this a crucial time that we need to push through all this junk and show everyone where our strength lies, who we really serve, how powerful our God really is?
“Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.” 2 Corinthians 4:16-17
…..And mic drop. Guys…. this! This is my life. Right at this very moment. I am (literally) wasting away and yet day by day, God is the one who is keeping me together and whole. These troubles I am facing, are they anything in compared to an eternal life without Christ, which is what some people are going to face? They are in fact “light”. Wow. The more I struggle with panic attacks and times of deep despair, the easier it is for me to remember to turn to truth. To run to the God’s word and find peace and perspective.
The way our God loves and teaches us will always be astounding to me. I have a hard time finding joy amidst this trial, but I have come to the point of being thankful for it. Is it making me a great missionary? At the moment, not at all, like, seriously the worst right now. But God desires for me to be even more dependent on him and this is my way of learning. Over and over. God is great and his plan for our lives is perfect. I never would have asked for all these trials over the last two years; the hardest years of our lives so far, but I know that every hardship we have faced has been intentional and for our good.
I feel a lot like the precious girl in this picture. She feels totally safe in her daddy’s arms. That little pup can’t touch her when she is being protected by her daddy. She is so confident in him and she’ll even stick her hands right in the dog’s mouth. Knowing he is there is all she needs to feel safe, untouchable and brave. I am in my fathers arms and I can be brave knowing he is watching every big, bad and scary thing that comes into my life. He even put them there! (Just like we put our pup Lola in our house.) Knowing that some day that that scary thing will not always be scary. That that scary thing brought us closer to himself for protection, for courage, for truth.
Man, God is just so so good!