I’ve had this post written and ready to go for almost a week now, and I just haven’t had the guts to share it. It sounds like a list of complaints and weakness to me, but you all have stuck with me through the good and the bad. And the good has far outweighed the bad, so here it is…
I had a day or two last week that were so hard. I felt heavy, fragile, sad, raw, mad, heartsick, and yet… so happy and thankful to be here. Confusing, right? No wonder I cried.
My last post talked about how lovely it is to be here. And it really is. I still wouldn’t trade being here for anything. This is my home now. But I was feeling a bit “state-sick” and lost; something I know is normal once the “honeymoon period” of a new country wears off. I was sensitive and I let the little things become the big things, skewing my perspective and hurting my heart.
I met some of our tribal church planters and translators. I heard how they really need supply flights into their tribes, so they don’t have to hike to a place where they fly to a town to get supplies, only to be told their return flight was canceled and they’d have to find another way back. A wasted trip. Too much time not working on their translation. Too much not being with their family. Too much not doing the job they were called to do.
And that’s why I’m so happy and thankful to be here.
Because they are why Josh and I are here in the very heart of Papua New Guinea. To be a small part of the team that brings the love of Jesus to the unreached. The hard days come, but they also go (so long as you don’t set up camp there). The people are worth those wonderful hard days. Jesus is worth it.
The rest of the team has hard days, too. Maybe me writing about my heartsick days will help them to know that they are not alone. Maybe I can encourage them that it’s 100% normal, and okay, and dare I say it – good to have those days. Just don’t let those days run your life; remember to zoom out, to look up again, to fix your eyes on Jesus, and to accept the grace He has even for this.